Remembering Dianne as tax time approaches: it just won't be the same with her not here

As time goes by, I realize more and more that the everyday things we shared with our spouse were precious jewels in the time we were together on planet earth.

Why do I so much miss Dianne as the deadline for filing federal income taxes approaches?

Perhaps every married couple has a "special ritual" they go through in preparing their income tax filings?

First, I miss Dianne because she always kept me reminded that "it's time to work on the taxes".  Dianne wrote the checks, paid bills, and kept track of our donations.  With the help of TurboTax, I always did our tax return.

In the past, when I finally decided to "buckle down" and do the tax return, I think that Dianne held her breath and kept busy in her studio... just waiting for me to come looking for some receipt or some piece of paper I needed to complete the return.  Dianne was always so organized with things... and ... well... let's just say that I am the opposite.

Dianne always prepared a nice detailed listing of all our donations for the year, so getting through that part of the return was a breeze.  I don't have that nice detailed listing this year.

When I got through the "first pass" at completing the return, Dianne would always ask:  "Well, how much do we owe?"  It seems that we always owed the government.  I tried to explain to Dianne that owing is a good thing because we were not lending money to the government during the year.  She listened to my reasoning, but I know that she would have felt much better if the government was giving us some of our tax money back on April 15.

We usually got through our "tax ritual" in a day or two... I gave Dianne the amounts so she would be sure to have the money in the bank to pay the taxes... and then we would get back to everyday life.

Preparing tax returns is always a pain... but this year, it will be especially painful without my Dianne's help.

"You are not writing as much on your blog... that means you are doing better now?

Someone commented to me recently:  "You don't write as much on your blog....  I guess that means you are doing better?"

Actually, no, it doesn't mean I am doing better.  I am not doing better.  I lost the love of my life.  I still feel like half a person. I miss her more than ever.  I hurt a lot and cry a lot.

There is a popular myth floating around that after a year... or maybe two... you "get over" the loss of a husband or wife.  Since Dianne's passing I have talked with many widows and widowers.  Some are only a few years away from their loss, and for some, it has been 10 years or more since the passing of their husband or wife.  Absolutely NONE of these people have "gotten over" their loss.  They may have journeyed through the loss... but the pain is still there and often comes back at the most unexpected times.

So, if you're praying for me, please don't stop!  I need you now more than ever!